Mental Toughness and the Fire Spouse Life: What Wall Sits Can Teach Us

Mental toughness is an interesting beast. Some people train it daily—using it to endure more than they ever thought possible. Others don’t fully understand what it is or how much it can support us in everyday life.

As for me? I’ve been an athlete my entire life. I still approach so much of my world through that lens. The questions I ask myself are simple: What is the goal? How do we accomplish it with integrity and hard work? Those same lessons are what I teach my kids. And let me tell you—being married to a first responder requires the same mindset.

If you’ve ever completed a hard workout, today’s post will resonate with you. Doing hard things—whether in the gym or in life—takes us through phases. Today, we’re going to break those phases down and use something simple (but challenging) as our guide: wall sits.

Yes, wall sits. If you’ve never tried them, today is the perfect day to challenge your mental fortitude.

Wall Sits 101

Wall sits create resistance with nothing but gravity. To do them, stand with your back against a wall, feet planted. Bend your knees to a 90-degree angle as if you’re sitting in a chair. Hold that position until your legs turn to Jell-O…or until your mind tells you, “That’s enough.”

For some, that might be 30 seconds. For others, 10 minutes. My kids and I love doing these in our hallway—we laugh, we challenge each other, and we all grow stronger.

The Fire Spouse Parallel

When you first get into a wall sit, your mind says, “This is easy, I can handle it.” The same is true when your partner heads off to shift. At first, you think, “Okay, I’ve got this. Let’s go.”

But then…time passes. Muscles burn. The weight sets in. That’s when the challenge truly begins.

As fire spouses, we face the same mental hurdles. At 15–30 seconds in, your legs are screaming. At 15–30 hours in, the kids may be fighting, something at home breaks, or exhaustion sets in. That’s the moment where mindset matters most.

So the question is: what are you telling yourself in those moments?

The Power of Endurance

Just like in wall sits, we all hit a threshold where our mind whispers, “I can’t do this anymore.” But here’s the truth—your mind is often lying to protect you. That same mind can also tell you, “You’ve got this. You’re stronger than you think.”

And here’s where it gets good: every time you push through, every time you recover and come back, you are literally building new strength. Muscle fibers tear and rebuild stronger. Mindsets break and rebuild wiser. Resilience grows.

Being a fire spouse isn’t about never getting tired—it’s about learning how to endure, recover, and rise stronger the next time.

The Question That Changes Everything

One of my daughter’s swim coaches once told his athletes: “How much are you willing to endure to get to where you want to be—and for how long?”

That one question stopped me in my tracks.

Because the truth is, endurance doesn’t just apply to workouts or swim practice. It applies to us. To our marriages. To parenting. To hold the fort down while our spouse is gone.

So I’ll ask you the same: how much are you willing to endure—and for how long—to become the strongest version of yourself?

Attraction Shift: Where Do You Go From Here?

Here’s the part I want you to really sit with: You are more capable than you realize. Maybe you already know that. Or perhaps you’re not sure, because you’ve been stretched so thin for so long that you don’t even recognize your own strength anymore. Both are okay. Both are valid.

But here’s what I know for sure: you don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to wonder if you’re capable of more—you can start proving it to yourself.

That’s why I created my coaching space for fire spouses. Not to pile more “to-dos” on your plate, but to help you see where you’re already strong, where you can shift your mindset, and where you can grow into the version of yourself that feels balanced, resilient, and fully alive.

If this post stirred something in you—if you thought “wow, that hit me hard” or “I need more of this”—that’s your invitation. Let’s talk.

Click here to connect with me for a free wellness chat. Let’s find out together where your strength already lives—and how to build on it.